I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
