if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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