im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
