OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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