Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
