ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
