Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
