she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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