I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
