I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
