Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
