so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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