My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
