I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
