I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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