Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
