it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
