If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
