I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
