We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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