Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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