A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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