Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
