I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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