I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
