Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
