I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
