today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
