I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
