My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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