I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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