Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
