We won't sleep together?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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