When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
