well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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