Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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