I am puke
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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