I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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