Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
