It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
