i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
