i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize