i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
