He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
