so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
tell me about the eggs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
