omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
