yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
