She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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