i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
