He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
