so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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