I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
