It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
