I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
