my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
