We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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