I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
COCAINE IS GR8
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
