fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
