one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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