i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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