Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
