We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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