Just fell off a train. Bad.
People in love make me want to vomit
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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