What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
