if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
