Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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