i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
