24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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