and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
