The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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