Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
