i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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