I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
