that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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