haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
