it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
