You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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