the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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