My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
