there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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