Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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